


In the Dark, Rise Up

by KaterineBlack



Series: Unrelated Song Fics [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (I don't know how to write sex/smut otherwise it wouldn't be implied), (it happens in canon I just changed some of the conversation), Alcohol, Apathy, Depression, EWE, Hopeful Ending, I have no clue how to summarize this fic..., Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Multi, No suicide or suicidal thoughts, Open Ending, Starts in the forest in DH, Temporary Character Death, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-12-17 17:11:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21058013
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaterineBlack/pseuds/KaterineBlack
Summary: As he was waking to his death in the forest all his past traumas caught up with Harry and his emotions shut down. He retreated from the magical world.I'm really struggling to write a summarize this fic





	In the Dark, Rise Up

_ I am Flesh and I am Bone _

He walked through the forest surrounded by the shades of his family. He tried to reach out and feel them, but as his hand passed through empty air, he was reminded of the true distance between them. The reminder just pushed him further on, walking closer to what would surely be his death, his true reunion with his ghostly family who surrounded him.

He saw the clearing.

He made no move to hide his entrance, walking through the parting sea of Death Eaters until he stood in front of his... enemy, Death, opposite, adversary.

He didn’t even raise his wand.

“Hello Tom.”

“Potter, are you ready to die?”

He gave a slight smile and watched as the Death Stick was raised and sent the distinctive green spell rushing towards him. All he did was close his eyes. He felt his body start to fall backwards. And then nothing.

_ Do you walk in the valley of kings? _

He woke. He was naked. He looked around. He seemed to be in a sea of white. He sat up and felt a pile of fabric next to him. He got dressed. Under the simple clothing, he found his glasses. As his surroundings became clear, he realised he was in a very clean, very white, and completely empty version of Kings Cross Station. He stood, and started to walk towards a bench. He stopped as he neared it when he noticed there was something under it that looked like a deformed baby. He thought it looked similar to the homunculus that had been inhabited by Riddle before he regained his body.

“You cannot help him, Harry.”

He turned. Somehow Dumbledore had appeared behind him, in light grey robes he would never have worn in life. He was glad he had not appeared while he was naked. They walked away from the bench.

“Why are you here?”

“I'm here to give you a choice. Where do you think we are, my boy?”

“It looks like a hazy version of Kings Cross, the muggle station without platform nine and three quarters.”

“Well, the choice you have is to go on. You have done your part, and others can end Tom’s madness now. Or, you can go back.”

“If I go on, will I see my family again?”

“I cannot say. There are many possibilities for the Next Great Adventure, and even if you did not see them in the forms you knew them in, you would see their souls again.”

As they were walking, he watched two trains pull into the station. One seemed to get hazier the further away it went, while the other became more solid. 

Dumbledore turned towards him.“If this is, as you say, Kings Cross, then you have a choice: you could get on one train and go on, or you can board another and return to the living.”

He walked towards the solid train and got on. He thought it was the one that would bring him back to the forest. 

As the train pulled away, the station faded. He watched through the window as pyramids rushed passed, before again, there was nothing.

_ Do you walk in the shadow of men who sold their lives to a dream? _

He felt the damp forest ground beneath his back. He didn't move.

“Is he dead?” the voice of the one who had tried to kill him asked.

He heard someone move towards him.

“Is he dead. My son, My Draco, Is he dead?” He recognised the quiet voice of Narcissa Malfoy.

Barely moving his mouth, he replied in the negative. “No, he’s alive.”

“He is dead, my Lord.”

“We shall go and take the school, victory is ours this day. Have the blubbering fool bring the boy’s body as our proof.”

He felt large hands gently pick him up. Hagrid. He was carried through the forest, along a different route to the one he had used to reach the clearing.

“HARRY POTTER IS DEAD!” his almost-killer shouted. “It is time for you to surrender.The one you put all your faith in is DEAD!” The snakelike being started to cackle. “KNEEL before your new ruler.”

He heard the sound of many people falling to the ground. He felt himself be placed gently on the ground. He waited. He listened to his friends fighting against the Death Eaters and Tom. When it was clear that no one's attention was on him, he stood up and hid under the invisibility cloak. He saw the body of the snake on the ground. Headless.

He quickly made his way through the battlefield, avoiding the crossfire from both sides. Mentally, he was trying to remember how he had behaved before this apathy had fallen on him, trying to prepare himself before he had to perform for everyone as he fought Tom. He saw Riddle stood with no soldiers around him. As he entered the circle, he pulled off the invisibility cloak, and then he yelled at Tom. He barely knew what he was saying, trying to fool everyone into thinking he was fine even as he was mentally retreating.

He cast the disarming charm.

Tom cast the killing curse.

By much luck and some force of will, he managed to make Riddle’s own spell work against him, and the Dark Lord died.

_ In the dark, the dark, the dark, the dark _

As Tom’s body fell to the floor, he quickly pulled the invisibility cloak back over himself. He made his way up to the castle and to the 7th floor wall with the tapestry that marked the entrance to the Room of Requirement. He paced along the corridor. When the door appeared, it looked burnt, but it still opened.

He quickly found the back of the small room provided and curled up in the corner. He didn't want to face anyone. He gained some small comfort from the small, dark space that was so similar to his only safe space during his childhood.

_ I've got fire in my soul _

He left the room.

He had spent enough time hiding.It was time to face the world.

As he walked into the Great Hall, a great cheer started. First to cheer were those by the doors, and then it spread to everyone else in the room as they were alerted to his entrance by the noise. He saw there were few who didn't cheer. Even the Slytherins, who had been brought out of the dungeons, joined in the celebration. 

In the following days, he attended every funeral. And, once the ministry was more organised again, he went to every trial and spoke at each one, some for, some against the accused. He defended those he knew were coerced or unwilling. Those he had seen relishing in the chaos and brutality promoted by Riddle he made sure would serve as much time as possible. 

_ Do you talk to the animals? _

He returned to Hogwarts to help with the repairs to the castle. It was hoped that the school would be up and running before the next school year began in September. While there were many people donating their time to repair the castle, he would spend most of his days away from people, only needing to interact at dinner and occasionally when he was needed as extra power for complex spells. When he wasn’t working on the repairs, he walked around the grounds. He never ventured towards the forest, not wanting to revisit the scene of his almost death.

He felt a pull tugging him towards the forest.

He didn't want to follow it.

It was too strong.

He slowly retraced the path he had taken during the final battle.

He stumbled as the pull stopped. He hadn't reached the clearing yet.

He looked around. His eye was caught by a glint on the forest floor.

As he picked it up, he realised that it was the Resurrection Stone. He didn’t use it again. Not yet. He would go somewhere safer, somewhere more secure, before he used it again.

As he left the forest, taking a route he had never taken before, he crossed paths with a snake. He wondered at his ability to understand it still. He had thought that he would lose the skill when the part of Tom that was in him died.

_ Do you ponder the manner of things? _

As the last of the trials wound to a close, Ron and Hermione dragged him to the next celebratory party that their classmates were holding. It was the first party he had attended, though there had been many as the world began to heal from the torments and terrors of the last year. When he arrived at the party, he was immediately given a cup full of some mix of alcohol, he didn't know what. 

It seemed to him like the entirety of his year from Hogwarts and many of the year below were there. All of them getting progressively more drunk. He could feel the energy from the crowd: it was the first thing he had felt since before he had faced Tom that wasn’t tainted by grief. He kept drinking, and because he seemed to gain a new drink whenever his cup became empty, the feelings just grew within him.

As the party continued, he got more lost in the moment, and he kept going until the party wound down. As people started to leave or fall asleep, he could feel the borrowed energy leaving him and the emptiness returning.

_ Don't remember what you're asking for _

After the first party, he went to each one after that he heard about, chasing the high he had felt at the first one. Eventually, the post-survival parties stopped. 

At first, he fell back into finding small, dark places to hide. Grimmauld Place was good for it, as there were many cupboards he could fit inside. He struggled to eat or do anything. 

He eventually ran out of food in the house and had to go out so he had something. As he was walking along the road towards the late-opening supermarket that was not too far away, he felt the same energy that he had felt at the parties coming from a nearby street. He walked towards the feeling, and as he came closer, he could faintly hear the whispers of muggle music.

Watching the people coming and going from the bar he had been drawn to, he realised he was a little underdressed.

He continued on to the shops, feeling more energised than he had in weeks. 

Once he returned home, he went to sleep in an actual bed.

The next day, he spent time making sure he was properly clean before sending an owl to Hermione. She had returned to Hogwarts, while Ron had gone into Auror training. He hoped she wouldn’t mind using part of the next Hogsmeade weekend to help him shop for some clothes.

_ Everybody in the front room's tripping out _

He was lucky that the next Hogsmeade weekend fell on a training weekend for Ron which meant Hermione was free to help him.

They spent the day in various department stores and other clothing shops building up a sensible wardrobe. He made sure that much of what he bought could be worn to the bar he had found;while he was waiting for the weekend to arrive, he had gone back there under his invisibility cloak to see what would be suitable. Hermione seemed so pleased that he was coming out of what she said Ron had termed his “funk.” He wasn’t sure how to tell her that he was running on borrowed energy.

It took him a further week before he ventured into the bar.

He started to pick up the energy from further away than he had before.

As he got nearer, his steps seemed to get lighter and he felt himself standing straighter.

While there wasn't a queue to get in, the place was fairly crowded. All the leather sofas were full, and many seemed to have couples, or the occasional larger group, making out. He made his way over to the bar. Once he worked through the crowd, he ordered himself a Vodka in Coke.

With his drink in hand, he went to stand by the side of the dance floor, enjoying the combined buzz of the alcohol and the crowd.

He found himself pulled onto the dance floor as soon as he put his empty glass down. He moved with the flow of the crowd, joining anyone who wanted him, if only for a dance.Occasionally he would be pulled into a group and join in more organised dances. Before long, he would move on.

Occasionally he would leave the dance floor to have another drink, but he spent the majority of the night dancing.

He stumbled out of the bar at almost three in the morning.

He had an armful of phone numbers he wasn't sure what to do with.

_ 'Cause everybody in the backroom's spinning out _

He went and bought himself a phone. 

It took a little while. He didn't understand half the functions that seemed to differentiate between the various brands and models. In the end, he bought a slightly older Samsung, or at least he thought it was older, as there were higher numbers in the series. He also got a pay as you go SIM, as he didn't have a muggle bank account and wasn’t sure he could set up a recurring payment from Gringotts to a muggle store.

He spent the afternoon messing about with the phone, seeing how it worked so it didn't seem like he had never used one before. He also cast some spells around it, cleaning the table it sat on to see whether the rumor that magic shorted muggle technology was still true. The indirect spells didn't seem to have any negative impact on the device. 

He returned to the bar every night for the next few weeks, spending the entire night dancing with strangers who didn’t stare at his scar. One evening he ended up dancing with a guy who had darker skin than he did. He found himself entranced by the way his eyes sparkled in the lights of the dance floor. In a break between songs, his dance partner grabbed his face and pulled him into a kiss. He froze for a second before melting into the solid chest of his kisser. They continued to dance through to the early hours of the morning, and once they left, he allowed himself to be pulled into a cab, unwilling to be separated from Xander. (They had eventually exchanged names in between dances and kisses.)

When they reached Xander’s flat, they went straight back to the bedroom. They spent the next few hours exploring each other’s bodies. He had never considered that he could find so much pleasure with another man. It felt so good to feel something at all, and being with Xander felt even better than the buzz he got at the bar.

In the morning, he offered to cook breakfast for them both. He felt so comfortable in Xander’s small kitchen, talking about each other and sharing the occasional kiss. 

“I want to see you again, Harry. Properly, not just dancing at The Feet and coming back here for sex. I want to see where this thing between us can go.”

“I‒ I think I’d like that. I’ve not really dated all that much before. I was briefly with a couple of girls at school, but neither relationship lasted very long.” He paused. “I’ve never been with or dated a guy before.”

Xander reached over the table and pulled him into a deep kiss. He kept hold of his hand as he leant back. “Stop worrying so much, Harry. We can go as fast or as slow as you feel comfortable with. Why don’t we start by going for a meal at The Feet before dancing there next Friday?”

“That sounds like something we could do. I don’t think I want to wait a week to see you again though, could we meet for lunch one day?”

They had just exchanged phone numbers when an alarm on Xander’s phone went off. Xander pulled him into one final kiss before the pair left the flat.

_ You left your bottle at the door _

It took a few weeks of carefully casual dates with meals and dancing before he started to feel comfortable enough to tell Xander about the nothingness he had been living with and trying to run from for months. He didn’t want to keep drinking and losing control of himself.

He felt safe around Xander. The more time he spent with him, the longer it took for the emptiness to come back. He didn’t want to be with Xander so he could feel, but he was truly happy when he was with him; it was the first time he could remember feeling completely safe. He relished not feeling like he constantly had to look over his shoulder.

When he told Xander about what was going through his head, Xander held him and promised not to leave him over it. He gently pushed him towards going to therapy, as he did not believe it was a healthy state of mind to be in.

Before he knew it, Christmas was almost upon them. Hermione was meant to be home from Hogwarts in a week, and she was planning on staying with Ron and the Weasleys, who were expecting him to stay with them as well. He didn’t know what to do‒ He hadn’t told Xander about magic, and he hadn’t told anyone in the wizarding world about Xander.

He had just sat down in The Leaky Cauldron, having spent a few hours doing his Christmas shopping for the magical side of his life. He was hoping for a quiet drink briefly before returning to Grimmauld place to leave his magical possessions and then go on to Xander flat. What he was not planning for was a familiar blonde sitting down across the table from him.

“Potter, what a surprise seeing you here. Last I’d heard, you’d dropped off the map at the beginning of the school year.”

“Malfoy, do you make a habit of sitting at tables that are already taken?” He found that he didn't feel the same animosity towards the blonde which he had in the past, and he wondered whether that was due to the emptiness or the therapy. 

“Only when I want to talk to someone at the table and they don't seem to be busy.” He smirked. “Anyway, Potter, where have you been? As far as I know, nobody has seen you.”

“I saw Hermione about a month ago. I also come to the alley occasionally to go to Gringotts. I’ve mostly been spending time in the muggle world. What have you been doing? You’re obviously not at Hogwarts.”

“I was advised that returning to Hogwarts would not be in my best interests. There were too many people who had been hurt by my actions, however unwilling I had been to take them. So I am taking my NEWTs privately through the ministry. This also allows me to take more time on the classes I struggle with. What about you Potter? You did not return to Hogwarts either.”

“I wasn’t in a good place when it was time to go back to Hogwarts. I don't think it would have been a safe idea for me to return then. I haven’t really thought about what I’m going to do for NEWTs or even in general. But if you would excuse me I need to get going.” He stood from the table and left the pub. He was turning down an alley so he could apparate home when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Look, Potter, Harry. I didn’t mean to bring up something bad. You did so much for this world, and you did so much for me. You didn’t have to be at my trial. You didn’t have to speak for me. You didn’t have to do it for my mother or for anyone else. But you did, and honestly, Harry, I wasn’t surprised when you disappeared. You spent so much energy and so much of your life for others, I thought you needed to take time for yourself. The prophet ran almost daily articles for the first few weeks wondering where you had gone. But when you didn’t show up after a month or so, and when even the rest of the Golden Trio didn't seem to know where you were, the stories just petered off. I just want to be able to thank you. And maybe try to become a friend now that neither of us are following the paths that others set for us.”

“I need to go now, I'm meeting a friend soon. If I took you somewhere, would you be able to remember where it is and meet me at the same place tomorrow? Around midday maybe?”

“I should be able to do that, but I would be able to say for certain if you take me there.”

He carefully grabbed on to Draco, checked to make sure he was ready, and then apparated to the front step of Grimmauld Place.

“I recognise this place, I think mother brought me here once when I was a kid.”

“I’m not surprised,” he said, opening the door. “I inherited the house from Sirius Black, your mother’s cousin, and your mother quite possibly came here to visit her aunt before she died. Do you think you remember it well enough to return?”

“Yes, I can.” He smiled. “ I will see you tomorrow.”

He watched as Draco walked away before turning into the house and moving to put his purchases in his bedroom. He quickly changed out of his robes and apparated out of the house.

He spent the rest of the evening distracted, enough so that Xander commented on it.

“You aren’t normally this like this, Love. what’s wrong?” 

"I ran into someone today. A guy I knew at school. We didn't get on well at all, but looking back, I think I may have liked him and not realised. I kinda obsessed over him a lot and stalked him for most of a year." He sighed, "Because of his family and the people around me, we didn't get a chance to even try to be friends. I’m planning on meeting with him tomorrow. If nothing else, I want to see whether we could be friends, but I don't really want to face him alone.”

“I could come with you, Love. You aren’t alone anymore, you have me.”

“I know I have you, but while I’ve told you so much about why I was where I was when we met, I’ve also not told you a lot about my childhood and my school years.” He paused, looking away, “And why I’ve been avoiding it all since I left. He was there, though on the opposite side, through the whole of my school years, though I don't think he gets why I’m now avoiding it. Even if we spent the whole night talking about this, I don't believe we could cover enough for you to be able to follow me and Draco tomorrow. But knowing I can come back here to you no matter what means so much. I’ve never really had somewhere I could go and just relax and not look over my shoulder constantly. I don't think you realise how special that is and how much I treasure that.” 

Xander pulled him into his chest. “Love, I will be here for as long as you want or need to. There is nothing that you could have done or might do that would cause me to turn you away. I truly love you, I know you don’t really believe me. I’ve seen how you struggle with this, but I will keep telling you and showing you how I feel until you do trust in my feelings for you.” He smirked. “Though I have to admit that the idea of seeing you with another man isn’t as immediately wrong as I would have thought it would be, but only if they were in the relationship with us and not a one night stand. Come on, all you’re gonna do is stress until the morning, so come up to bed with me and try to relax for a bit, tomorrow will be stressful enough as it is.” 

_ Rise Up _

He spent the morning going around computer shops buying cheap laptops. The phone he had bought hadn’t died yet, even when kept around high magic areas like Diagon Alley. He didn’t want to risk casting direct magic on his phone; it would be hard to explain what happened to it to Xander. By noon, he had seven different laptops to mess about with, and he was sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, waiting for Draco to arrive.

He heard the loud crack of apparition from the hallway. He called out to his visitor, letting him know where he was. His guest joined him in the kitchen, and he busied himself with making them both drinks.

“Potter... Harry... sit down, relax. I’m not going to suddenly start yelling at you or hexing you.”

“I… I know. But this is hard. I don’t really interact with people much anymore, I only really spend time around Xander.” He sat in the free chair at the table and drew into himself. He jumped at the feeling of a hand on his forearm.

“Hey, breathe for me, okay? In and out, that’s it. We can go as fast or slow as you like. I was honestly expecting you to let me say my bit and then kick me out.” 

He looked up at the other wizard, and was surprised by the emotions showing in his eyes. Without a thought, he reached up and pulled the blonde down into a kiss. As he pulled back, Draco grabbed him and maneuvered them so he was sitting on Draco’s lap.

“Now why would you do that?” Draco asked, smirking.

He hid his face in the other man’s chest to try to muffle his words.

“Little one, I didn’t hear any of that.” Draco gently moved his head so they were looking at each other, before carding his hand through his hair. 

“I think I’ve liked you for a while, and I essentially stalked you during our sixth year. And Xander knows I like you, and he said that he liked the idea of a third person being a part of our relationship. I think that, as long as you are okay with being with a muggle, you could work well as our third, especially since your know about most of what happened while we were at Hogwarts, and you could help me figure out how to tell Xander about magic, ‘cause I should ’cause he knows that I have issues due to what happened during my school years but he doesn’t know what and I don't know how to tell him and ‒” A hand was gently placed over his mouth, causing him to stop talking. 

“Did you even breathe while you said that? I think I would like to meet your Xander before agreeing to join the relationship, but the idea isn’t unappealing to me either. Could you organise a meeting between the three of us and let me know when it is?” Draco gave his head a few more strokes before carefully transferring him onto the chair and standing. He gave him a kiss on the cheek before going into the corridor and apparating away.

_ Like Glitter and Gold _

A few weeks later he was again sitting in the kitchen of Grimmauld Place, this time with one of the laptops upside down in front of him with the battery removed. He thought he had figured out how to power the device using magic rather than electricity. There was a knock on the door, and he quickly went and opened the door, surprised to see both Xander and Draco standing on the front step. As he finished opening the door, they both pulled out roses from behind their backs.

“Would you give us the honour of taking you out on a date?” It was Xander who asked, though it was obvious they had both been involved in the planning. It had taken a few serious conversations, but he and Draco had managed to convince Xander that magic was real and to tell him about the major events of their school years.

He led the pair into the house and left them in the living room while he changed into a more appropriate outfit. As he reentered the room, his two partners both stopped talking, and then they pulled him into a group embrace, exchanging kisses. They took a taxi to a restaurant, and it was higher end than he had expected, but having matched his outfit to those of his partners, he was not underdressed. They were seated quickly in a quiet corner of the restaurant and given the drinks menu. All three ordered non-alcoholic drinks‒ he didn’t drink much anymore now that he wasn’t drinking to forget his traumas. They spent the meal easily conversing, and each course was more ornate than the last. 

“Love, I know we haven’t been in a relationship for very long, but would you like to find a house for the three of us to live together in? I already discussed this with Draco, and we both think my flat is too small to comfortably fit all three of us.” 

A waiter came and placed plates of gold coloured deserts in front of each lover.

“Little One, I don’t like you returning to Grimmauld Place. You seem to withdraw into yourself a little more each time you go back there. If we find a house, we can make sure there is a warded room for you to do your experimentation in.” He felt tears start to fall down his face. “Don’t cry, Little One, we didn’t mean to upset you”

“I’m not upset, I’m happy. I would love to find a house and to be able to wake up every day with both of you. Let’s finish our meal and then go back to the flat for now, we can start to search for a house together tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song Glitter and Gold by Barns Courtney: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrV90gXmOpA  
The Bar is based on a real bar (I've not been to it): https://theoldqueenshead.com/gallery/#
> 
> Many thanks to my alpha reader Sugaredsundrop and my beta reader roonilwazlib4
> 
> I originally started writing this in a notebook as one of my cats was sat on my laptop and I couldn't get at my notes for anything else as they were only on said laptop.  
It was meant to be a short thing I wrote while laptopless. It grew.
> 
> For those who are following my other fics I am still working on them  
The Sequel for GiC is in the works, i have most of his first year written but would like to be further through before I start posting  
TtL is also being worked on, I am almost finished with it and want to have started the sequel before I post
> 
> I am planning to try and complete NaNoWriMo this year (I attempted it last year but didn't get very far)  
I haven't actually decided what I'm going to use for it  
There is a poll on my profile if you want me to work on something in particular
> 
> KHB


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